It’s been a little boring since I quit smoking about 4 years ago. I used to enjoy “steppin’ out for a smoke”----- especially on winter nights when you could see every star in the sky. And I’ve had more than a few people tell me they started smoking again because they were bored.

I quit smoking when I had a heart attack and bypass surgery. That would have been enough for anyone with sense. But it took a nurse-practitioner to convince me. What can I say? She got money for schooling by winning the Miss Oklahoma pageant. No shit. When a beautiful and smart woman talks, I listen.

A few days after the operation, the surgical team was doing a “follow-up” exam. I asked the surgeon if he had seen anything unusual about my heart. He looked sort of surprised and averted his eyes.

“I’d say five clogged arteries are enough, wouldn’t you?”
After that, the whole crew left except for Jennifer, the nurse-practitioner.

“What did you expect us to find on your heart?” she said.
“Well, you’ll probably think it’s all these drugs talking, but … do you know the story about Queen Mary I of England? In 1558, the French defeated the English and took control of the port of Calais, she was devastated and said, ‘When I am dead and opened, you will find “Philip” (her husband) and “Calais” on my heart.’”

“That’s interesting. So what?”
“Well, about 10 years ago. I told a girl the same thing about her name.”


Jennifer took her prescription pad from her coat pocket and wrote on it. She tore off the sheet and handed it to me.
“Is this her name?”

“That’s her”, I sighed.

She smiled a bit.
“You need to quit smoking,” she said and left my room.